Sitting on a shady bench watching the pink Dogwoods sway gently in the breeze. Listening to the faint water fountain splashing, slightly muffled by the traffic and chaotic drivers beeping their way around the Taunton Green. A place once known for the silver mills, Reed and Barton (where my Nana worked), and the Taunton State Hospital, where Lizzy Borden wrote about staying during her murder trials. This once vibrant city is now almost unrecognizable.
Outsiders may only see the rough edges of the city. Shoppers no longer come to browse the latest trends at the mall. People passing through see the routine drug deals during broad daylight or the ladies of the night on the corners of Harrison Ave. and Harrison Street. My city is much more than that. It’s endless summers spent filling up on Caldo Verde or Chourico at one of the seven different Portuguese Feasts. It is knowing where the older Portuguese generations live by the perfectly cut lawn adorned by a pristine Virgin Mary statue in the front yard. The laughter and smiles shared over a glass of homemade wine at Desa’s Fish Market.
Come wintertime, the center of the city transforms into a magical Christmas City. Softly blanketed with powdery white snow while “Winter Wonderland” plays over the town speakers. A huge Santa and Christmas lights hung by Bristol Plymouth High School students decorate the green. My city has once again come together for all the right reasons. This is no longer where I live, but I will forever have these memories of where home once was.
Nicely done overall! Good use of detail here (I esp. like description of Portuguese lawns). I like the build-up in para. 1 from sharp (and contrasting!) details to sum-up last sentence. Para. organization is clear: para. 1 on past vs present; para. 2 on outsider vs. resident view; para. 3 on wintertime. It’s a little complex identifying main impression since you seem to be saying Taunton has changed from what it once was, but although outside impression may be negative, there are still things to appreciate? Does that seem accurate?
A few issues to consider for revision:
–“Rough edges” in para. 2 makes me want a bit more of a visual description on downtown maybe?
–Transition could be improved between para. 2 and 3. Is this Taunton at its best? Or how you like to remember it? Or some other way to connect what you said in para. 2.
–Nice word choice in many places, but take the time to consider word choice–one of the luxuries of revision. For example, I’d say “sway gently” is redundant since “sway” includes idea of gentleness. (Kurt Vonnegut, and others, have advised writers to be sparing of adverbs. We’ll look at some style advice a little later.)
–In terms of grammar stuff, watch out for fragments in proofreading. You have quite a few. Here’s a resource with info: https://writingcenter.unc.edu/tips-and-tools/fragments-and-run-ons/